furia taurina.

2007-12-27T23:43:00.000+08:00

hey guess what? now it's a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire.

i hate dust. i hate what it signifies. my mother tongue could do with some brushing up too.

most of this is junk isn't it? i've no use for it.

i played uncle erik's 12-string for christmas carols at his place. good fun. holy night. i've also found a singaporean who listens to radiohead! howdy. and she's been in my family all along.

and then again 6 strings is all i really need. and maybe some brass accompaniment. start counting.

2007-12-19T11:43:00.000+08:00

last night i dreamt of a kiss.

this is the 23/8 time 'you' i was talking about.

why should i believe myself.

'thinking about you'. 'reckoner'.

getting a bit carried away here are we. ok one last one.

while i was in melbourne i went to see the lucksmiths live, and this song was one of the highlights.

'sunlight in a jar.'

broken social scene is coming to singapore for mosaic music festival 08. incubus are coming to fort canning too. think i'll still be in bmt though.

right now i have too many things to say and too little time, so. anw i spent the weekend doing this:

2007-12-02T09:15:00.000+08:00

how can i say "i'm back",
when, frankly, this counts as a step forward?
in the right direction. in a direction. any direction.

"Then she told me all about the bad place, and I said I wished I was there. She got mad then, but I didn't mean no harm. All I wanted was to go somewheres; all I wanted was a change, I warn't particular."

Fog's rollin' in off the East River bank
Like a shroud it covers Bleecker Street
Fills the alleys where men sleep
Hides the shepherd from the sheep

Voices leaking from a sad cafe
Smiling faces try to understand
I saw a shadow touch a shadow's hand
On Bleecker Street

A poet reads his crooked rhyme
Holy, holy is his sacrament
Thirty dollars pays your rent
On Bleecker Street

I heard a church bell softly chime
In a melody sustainin'
It's a long road to Canaan
On Bleecker Street
Bleecker Street

-Simon & Garfunkel

the pursuit of happy nurse.

2007-11-27T23:10:00.000+08:00

these are familiar lines.

in days of yore
from western shores
oldham dauntless hero came
and planted a beacon of truth and light
in this island of the main
here may it stand
from year to year
emblem of grand endeavour

our hearts our hopes our aims are one
no discord e'er will sever
we'll stand together for the cause
of acs forever.

acs has always been there. a safety net. it provided reassurance, comfort, and the sense that things will ultimately come out right.

i'd like to see ms aileen chan again. mdm tan lee san. "i want my old office space back". 6.9 r squared. oh man.

when the years are over i'll remember tim lim, t chiew, lee gek kim, ferd quek, mdm lu xiang, among others, the ones who breached the barrier between teachers and students.

12 years.

. . .

the 12 thoughts of christmas.

1. no matter which country you're in, you end up bargaining for the same vulgar, crude, tactless $5 shirts in the roadside stalls.

2. i'm conducting an experiment with facebook. how many 'friends' can you get without doing any of your own requests?

3. by some fate i managed to find the colonel at the airport on friday. just to let him know i'm still in the picture. and clear up the recent hot press.

4. arsenal arsenal arsenal are irresistible. gallas gallas.

5. i'm disappointed cuz uncle was so fast that he forgot to let me see my stitches before patching it up with dressing. hey, so i took the trouble to lay there for 1 hour and missed the highlight of the show!

6. the first song released on a studio album by radiohead is 'you', which is played in 23/8 time. what kind of impression are you trying to project to the world? (huh?) it's a fantastic song.

7. i miss sailing. i'm rash, hopefully i've learnt my lesson by now.

a pic of giba, jun hao and the infamous supermod from the ssf website.

8. massimo dutti, robin ruth, jim thompson, com8, beetlebug, esta.

9. i've recorded these thoughts to the tune of simon & garfunkel's wednesday morning, 3 a.m. album. it's fantastic.

10. i've never spent so much time in an airport toilet. impressed with gerard's first aid.

11. i want a photo of a bunch of sailors opening their textbooks and studying while sitting in the middle of the dance floor in st. james.

12. what's up down under? to the hague to the court of justice to settle disputes.

2007-11-20T09:05:00.000+08:00

sit back.

2007-11-18T23:52:00.000+08:00

nice dream, nice dream, nice dream,
if you think that you're strong enough
if you think you belong enough

blame it on the black star
blame it on the falling sky
blame it on the satellite that beams me home.

2007-11-16T11:43:00.000+08:00

they're just different from others. i try not to go back to it too many times for fear of growing sick of it. but they continue to stand up to repeated listens.

Reckoner
You can't take it with you
Dancing for your pleasure

You were not to blame for
Bittersweet distractor
Dare not speak his name
Dedicated to all you
all human beings

Because we separate like
ripples on a blank shore.

2007-11-15T15:00:00.000+08:00

when you think about it, it's quite amazing for 200 over students to sit at their tables and maintain silence for 2 odd hours. 2 hours is a long time. for so many people to remain quiet!

too many people talk. voice their opinions. too many shout.

slow down, take a seat, relax, listen. silence is beautiful too.

tomorrow.

2007-11-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

this is supposed to be a critical moment in my life.

yet i think i was more tense watching gallas' wonderful touch than i would ever be in an exam hall. i'd frown at theo's scuffed shot too but oh what the hell. after the papers i'll do myself a favour and get myself a cesc shirt.

the last time manchester conceded two or more in the league was in April (4-2 win at Goodison Park).

the last time i swam was when julius came over on wednesday night and joined me for a biathlon.

before last monday, i couldn't remember the last time i had completed the mt faber run. i had pain in the thighs like i hadn't felt in ages but it was all worth the trouble. 2 days later the pain went away after i had run to sgh kindergarten and back.

last time i was acquainted with sodium chloride saturated water was... about 6 weeks back.

the last time i took a major exam, i was a christian.

. . .

the study of economics is primarily about suaning the US of A.

the long run average cost curve for a firm can be explained by Huygen's principle for the propagation of waves.

see? who would have thought? thanks julius.

and zhihao says, "theory of knowledge - is just a theory."

. . .

the fundamental difference between pet dogs and cats:
a dog thinks, "he feeds me, grooms me, and takes care of all my needs. he must be a god."

the cat thinks, "he feeds me, grooms me, and takes care of all my needs.

I must be a god."

. . .

Don't get any big ideas,
they're not gonna happen.
You paint yourself white
and fill up the noise.
But there'll be something missing.

Now that you found it,
it's gone.
Now that you feel it,
you don't.
You've gone off the rails.

So don't get any big ideas,
they're not gonna happen.

my ever helpful english teacher says, "ok what..., poets, writers, artists, scientists, they're only recognised and awarded years after their achievements."

. . .

2007-10-21T23:21:00.000+08:00

watching the world through the rear windscreen at night,
it's a gorgeous sight.
lights, lights of red blue green red blue green streak by so fast,
as the passengers speed past.

vienna teng's "blue caravan".
it just flows. who needs choruses?

Oh he was a beautiful fiction
I invented to keep out the cold.
But now my blue, blue caravan
I can feel my heart growing old.

watching the world, anxiously, through the rear windscreen at night,
it (takes your breath away) is a terrifying sight.
lights, lights of red blue green swallowed by the dark at last,
as another one bites the dust.

2007-10-17T23:51:00.000+08:00

i found myself full of questions. i was probably at least a slight nuisance to everyone else around me. but i couldn't help myself!

during the renaissance period there was only one science. meaning you dabbled into mathematics, the arts, philosophy, politics and oh yes lets not forget physics, chem and bio.

as of now i'm in total awe and admiration for the cartesian coordinate system. its so simple and elegant, and yet it explains pretty much the world around us with such clarity. the things we can do with it are infinite.

and up to now we've still only been working in 2d. and straight line 3d vectors.

lift off.

2007-10-15T20:19:00.001+08:00

for me, one of the greatest disappointments of the last 2 years was the introduction of those pretty red, blue and yellow round tables in the sac.

bryan habana can do a 11 second 100m.

2007-10-14T23:57:00.000+08:00

(don't get any) big ideas
they're not gonna happen.

here we go again. change is so happening. y'know, there was a time when julius and i went to the same kindergarten.

the last supper.

on friday everyone went to school not for lessons but to practise counting 1, 2, 3 while posing for shots. and the campus felt empty and lonely. empty except for a senior employee heading in the direction of the boarding school as julius, mel and i took a landmark evening stroll across the quadrangle and down the ramp.

junior, and then independent.

my .14 classmate of 2 years hans has a nice post up on his site. "now it's my turn to say goodbye. goodbye."

things seem real exciting down under. monash, melbourne, sydney. things ain't that simple though are they.

just found out that scott had won a regatta at woollahara about a month ago. that's in sydney harbour. maybe i should go talk to him.

jigsaw falling
into place.
there is nothing to explain.

it's a wonderful song.

2007-10-10T23:25:00.000+08:00

'15 step' starts off with a drum riff that lays the platform. the vocals. an upbeat 6-string progression announces its arrival. "et cetera, et cetera" and then they really start playing around with the song, glitches, voice distortions, drum loops.

the guitars in 'bodysnatchers' wouldn't sound out of place in battles' 'atlas'.

'jigsaw falling into place' certainly seems to involve a lot of movement. "the beat goes round and round."

other than those the rest of this album sees radiohead at its most mellow. featuring string sections. beautiful? well we'll see. i'll bring it around with me for the next few days and we'll see all right. it's certainly very exciting.

nude brings 'bulletproof... i wish i was' to mind.

but there is no one like thom yorke. 'videotape' rounds things off with

When I'm at the pearly gates
This will be on my videotape
My videotape

When mephistopheles is just beneath
And he's reaching up to grab me

This is one for the good days
And I have it all here in red blue green
In red blue green

You are my centre when I spin away
Out of control
On videotape
On videotape
On videotape
On videotape

This is my way of saying goodbye
Because I can't do it face to face
I'm talking to you before

No matter what happens now
You shouldn't be afraid
Because I know today has been
The most perfect day I've ever seen

j.k. rowling's best quote:
"Ah, music. A magic beyond all we do here!" - dumbledore.

our endless numbered days.

2007-10-06T23:53:00.000+08:00

define success.

(error carried forward)

Calvin(after being asked to explain Newton's First Law of Motion "in his own words") :
Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz.

OWTTE.

i've lost faith in one of them. the other... i met in pacific coffee cafe today by chance. remember having a serious talk with her last year about the feasibility of retaining a year to pursue beijing. "stairway to heaven" was played in the cafe today. "yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on."

teachers teach us. you never know how soon it will be too late.

why isn't lms a success i wonder? it could have really been great for document transfers between teachers and students. yet it's underused.

recently been listening to mars volta's 'viscera eyes'. vienna teng's 'homecoming'.

i'm beginning to get oceansize's 'unfamiliar'. the last refrain is amazing. trail of fire is good too. i'm eager to hear the rest of 'frames' actually.

15 step
bodysnatchers
nude
weird fishes/arpeggi
all i need
faust arp
reckoner
house of cards
jigsaw falling into place

videotape

radiohead's marketing strategy. in rainbows in rainbows!

2007-09-27T09:01:00.001+08:00

2007-09-26T11:36:00.000+08:00

it's been a whirlwind of post-prelim events. sailing continues to provide lessons

even when i haven't been sailing.

the power of one - it's called the power of one. hear that?

how disappointing.

besides that, i started the 3k run 2 min late and still beat stine, cycled down for lunch, sailed the europe dinghy for the weekend, exhausted myself at the cage, took a ride in a subaru wrx.

for my 18th birthday dad decided to be a bit naughty and bought me a very sexy G-string.

... and an E-string, an A-string, a D-string, a B-string and a high E-string. 2 sets actually. d'addario! gotta love it.

also picked up a capo on friday so now i can play street spirit (fade out) and still sing in tune at the same time. it's a masterpiece that one.

this morning my battlefield headquarters has been tidied up, so all the files and documents and maps are in place. it's day 276 of operation 45 points and the preparations have been made, the situation has been sized up and we're awaiting the all clear signal to launch the first salvo.

2007-09-16T11:32:00.000+08:00

switch on the telly and this happens. and the crowd goes "air-dee-by-your, air-dee-by-your!" wonderful.

and a funk bass groove courtesy of colonel claypool. looks like a whole lot of fun. "mr. buckethead."

been visiting all my old friends,
put on my best clothes (socks, black shoes)
a secret rendezvous at the
basketball court with the soccer ball. just us alone.
statistics worksheets were never really any good at engaging in conversations anyway. the ball provided much more satisfying company.
who ever said anything about being lonely?

"air-dee-by-your, air-dee-by-your!"

2007-09-14T19:12:00.000+08:00

here. comments are funny too. "not so loud, i've got a headache."

today i learned that there's no such thing as an x squared distribution, but we have something called a chi squared distribution. greek algebraic letters, "... that he used against unarmed civilians in order to broadcast a message of hate."

in order to perform testing of goodness-of-fit, students have to calculate the expected frequencies from the various distributions that were covered in a previous chapter. thus they must be well-versed in all these distributions. students tend to be confused by the testing of mean in the previous chapter, with the testing of fit in this chapter. students can also have problems with constructing contingency tables. overall, a rather tedious chapter.

i've never seen anything like it.

a plea for help crossing the river.

2007-09-07T22:20:00.000+08:00

just a few days after i quoted arcade fire's 'ocean of noise', i hear norah jones doing her version of it. got it from here.

also, listen to a cover of smith's fantastic 'going nowhere' here. which i quoted in the previous post. angel in the snow is fantastic too.

when it's pouring
and you can't possibly get any wetter.
go put on the sweater,
it doesn't really matter.

let her letter
be. (maybe later.)

actually the calexico version is nicer. ocean of noise violence ocean of noise.

my classmate can drive. i feel old.

death is fatal. fat is fat(al). water can be fatal. carbon dioxide is fatal. oxygen is fatal.

life is fatal. get on with it.

see what thoughts you've driven into my head daniel loke. haha.

i don't think 'emo' means anything really. it means moody? it means the whiny lead singer of the fray? hey if you ain't 'damn emo' at some point you ain't human you ain't got feelings. it's such a shallow term. stop using it.

(http://www.stuffsucks.com/)

from now on i am elmo. positive emo. yay.

on a final note i just realised the happy emo up there looks like a certain year 5 junior. wahahaha. ok sorry.

2007-09-03T00:16:00.000+08:00

"Playing it safe is the most popular way to fail."

this is the elliott smith post.

You're strong, you're stubborn now
In an endless symbolic war
Brave or bored,
either, or.

how how how
i don't know what i want.

i love this song.

The old records
Sitting on the floor
The ones i can't
Put on anymore
He walked over
To her like before
Going nowhere
Going nowhere
Going nowhere

mom asks why my music is always so... melancholic. depressing.

mr. smith says:
"Everybody gets a tag. If you listen to a Velvet Underground record, you don't think, 'Godfathers of Punk.' You just think, 'This sounds great.' The tags are there in order to help try to sell something by giving it a name that's going to stick in somebody's memory. But it doesn't describe it. So 'depressing' isn't a word I would use to describe my music. But there is some sadness in it -- there has to be, so that the happiness in it will matter."

2007-08-31T22:28:00.000+08:00

In an ocean of noise,
I first heard your voice.
Now who here among us
Still believes in choice?

No way of knowing
What any man will do,
An ocean of violence
Between me and you.

You've got your reasons,
And me I've got mine,
But all the reasons I gave
Were just lies to buy myself some time.

the 2nd student council has a good taste in music! i recognised mogwai's 'we're no here', imogen's 'hide and seek' and explosions' 'your hand in mine'. can't say much for the oscar performances though.

i've felt guilty for a while now cuz the last time i've been to my primary school in cairnhill was in sec 1. so this afternoon i found myself wandering around the corridors of my past with ethan koh. the cracked and worn steps to the parade square, the stairwell murals, the library with the computers along the side which provided recess entertainment, the auditorium (!), the 6.9 classroom at the top floor of the block, the music room, the fish pond, the canteen. the nostalgia was incredible. all the names and memories flooding back.

a pity no one was around - the place felt almost ghostly. teacher's were out for their day's lunch. not that i would recognise many of the new faces anyway.

a pity that time will bring the acs (junior) campus to its knees at the end of this year.

on the bus there darren chew was playing 'home' on the altec lansing.
"... there's a place that will stay within me/ wherever i may choose to go."
"... this is home, surely/ as my senses tell me."

i didn't bring my camera!

2007-08-28T18:29:00.000+08:00

grave, largo, lento, adagio,
larghetto adagietto andante andantino
maestoso, moderato,
allegretto animato allegro assai vivace
presto,
prestissimo.

going through the motions,
moving up through the gears.

2 hours of footwork on the astroturf for the last p.e. session.

2007-08-25T19:06:00.000+08:00

today my parents got to have a closer look at my home of the last 6 years. followed by soccer on the old rugby field. sitting in the cafe brings back memories.

smoke philosophy. "i'm not angsty! i'm fucking cheerful!"

i can't believe i beat chin leong at 3 games of chess. 2 english and one chinese. jiang!

robert glasper may soon be making it to that list on the left. i love his "maiden voyage/everything in its right place". i like these piano/jazz versions of radiohead tunes.

2007-08-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

fucking mind-numbing. grinding the shoulder.

the path to simplicity is often complex, but
it needn't be.

i wasn't myself yesterday and this morning. irritable. cranky's a good word too. i'm not used to looking at myself this way.

Come on, come on
You and whose army?
You and your cronies
Come on, come on
Holy roman empire
Come on if you think
Come on if you think
You can take us all on
You can take us all on

We ride tonight.

oh ya. happy birthday yuen gi! it's been a while coming but it's worth it! hahaha.

the new library is awesome. and it's 'out of bounds', but who cares. it's funny to think 5, 6 years ago we were sitting in the same place in what used to be the old com labs for com studies. we would sign in to msn and chat electronically across the classroom while the teacher was going on and on about c++ programs. if i'm not wrong i never ever submitted the one and only com studies assignment where you had to create your own homepage.

and now it's a library with charles dickens and jane austen classrooms with walls educating you on the history of printing and bookshelves. from what i saw today it's probably going to be almost exclusively year 6 too.

outside the library there's a stupid poster which goes something like "... a tad too light." that everyone still refers to. yes yes, just trying to make polite conversation.

medal races really make things so interesting. xyz missed out on the medal races by 5 points. meanwhile stine and sherm deserve some recognition in this post. cheers.

tomorrow i grind some more at chin leong's place. i sound like a skateboarder.

2007-08-14T00:10:00.000+08:00

extraordinary day.

1 in 30 chances. extract 10 was the only one i practised aloud yesterday. and i aced it today.

so i've spotted the r & j passage 2 years back, as well as unemployment for the mid years. haha. i can't believe my luck.

the more you train the luckier you get.
preparation meets opportunity.

and then, quite unplanned, i met up with 3 very unlikely people. with a first name like philippines.

you're on fire. mind blowing. besides that, you're also out of reach. as a reward i shall place a star sticker on your worksheet.

damn!

imagine if the surname was tea.

2007-08-10T11:04:00.000+08:00

quotes quotes part 2

friends fill your live with happyness, your soul with warmth, and your hart with love. friendship makes things happen, those that otherwise would not happen.

how did you manage to write half a page worth of words on that? i haven't accomplished anything this year.

Older chests reveal themselves
Like a crack in a wall
Starting small, and grow in time
And we all seem to need the help
Of someone else
To mend that shelf
Too many books
Read me your favorite line

Like time, there's always time
On my mind
So pass me by, I'll be fine
Just give me time

"nothing here will save you. it is designed only to soften the blow."
"but! music is music as devices are kisses is everything and i can squeeze your hand three times because I KNOW it will come back to me. that is how these ideas pass and always will forever be true."

"these notes will never be wasted."

2 of my classmates playing outside the heeren. daniel on lead and marcus on percussion.

you're on fire!

2007-08-05T20:19:00.000+08:00

"dude you call this summer?"

"i'm gonna miss the cold. i like the cold."
"wooo wooo wooooooooo!"

"no in this town its summer all year round. it's the tropics."
"i just sailed in 25 knots." 10 minutes later, "i just sailed in 25 knots." repeat.
"i have a vision."

(that i can enjoy)

"i can't believe you actually pissed off the pier."
"naze wind so strong."
"i like you like you very very like you."

describe eurotrip in less than 10 words:

fun. disappointing breeze, sailed well raced like crap. learn.

saw loads of insane stuff that i've never seen before, possibly will never see again. one clip playing in my head right now is of boats lining up on the start. current is strong from the com boat to the pin, and cuz the ship is so huge, the sailors will get blanketed if they try it on starboard. so we see 10 boats or so lining up and starting on port tack off the commitee boat end.

i'm in a bit of a daze now. but the chase goes on, i'll stop dozing and start dashing.

2007-07-29T03:51:00.000+08:00

visions of holland.

it's blowin' the oysters off the rocks mate!

yesterday we weren't allowed to go out cuz the wind was too strong. had the time of our lives, standing on the pier with God's 30 knot fan blowing in your face, cycling through town, up and down the (v)alley behind the hotel. we were damn high!

sailed the practice race today, getting really wet, really cold, going nowhere really fast while spending really large amounts of money. yup,

life is not so easy.

2007-07-22T11:08:00.000+08:00

i'll speak a prophecy ere i go. -the Fool

hallo! goedemorgen. alstublieft, neem me niet kwalijk!

take the plunge.

take a look at this! the time signatures for "ornament/the last wrongs" by oceansize.

00:00 - {9/4}
02:46 - {[15/4](x3)[11/8]}
03:23 - {12/8}
04:29 - {[15/4](x3)[11/8]}
05:05 - [1/8]
05:06 - [6/4](x5)[4/4]

no wonder i couldn't keep time. i thought it was 3 measures of 3 beats and then a single 4 beat measure and a tap ta ta tap ta ta tap ta tap tap tap ta

oh well. it isn't easy to tell 3/4 from 6/4 anyway. so i'll be happy with the way i figured out the rousing chorus.

sad that i won't be able to go and see gongjiao's contact details playing next week cuz i'll be in scheveningen. he's my inspiration i tell you.

we're flying sq!

-tot ziens!
-tot ziens!
-tot ziens! tot ziens! tot ziens!

-the word was made flesh!

ha ha ha.

2007-07-18T23:32:00.000+08:00

turn on the television to watch the 930 news.

money rape dengue richter scale air crash nuclear forest fire fraud homicide tsunami arson.

(how much of it do-)

celebrity theft golf affairs motorbike accident scandal recession civil war money soccer elect-

(... you really want to know?)

-ions national day colin powell gordon brown live 8.

(... makes you feel glad about the state of mankind?)

advertisements advertisements advertisements oh another one maybe this one will be more interesting than the last advertisements advertisements advertisements.

And the walls began to close in and I felt so sad and frightened
I practically ran from the living room out into the street

And the wind began to blow and the trees began to bend
And the world in its cold way started coming alive
And I stood there like a business man waiting for the train

And I got ready for the future to arrive

And I sang
Oh, What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
What do I do
Without you?

turn off the television. strum.

2007-07-15T16:39:00.000+08:00

been reading national geographic. a few eye-catchers in this july 07 issue.

A nationwide health survey in 2005 concluded that for every thousand children under age five living in the North-Western Province, there were 1,353 cases of malaria. An annual rate of more than 100 percent seems impossible, a typo. It is not. What it means is that many children are infected with malaria more than once a year.

It's easy to list every vaccine that can prevent a parasitic disease in humans. There is none.

aimee mann's version of 'the scientist' fits in very nicely here.

I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,
Pulling your puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

It's such a shame.

i'm so excited about holland. just had a peek at the entry list - don't think i ever recognised so many names before! i just counted 17.

stephen cockerill - he made the video 'the boat whisperer' where he planted video cams on the laser, on the stern and on the mast looking down. rooster sailing!

the five folks from aussie. will be great to see them again.

mathieu frei. i remember him winning the aus laser nationals in brisbane. 4.7 world champion as well i believe.

steven krol and steven le fevre who placed second and third last year. fevre was leading the qingdao olympic test event for a while - i've seen him rather often the last 7 years eh? aosc, opti worlds, radial worlds. rolph oudshoorn who was also leading the 4.7s in lake hourtin last year. somehow the dutch always do well wherever i go, how about at home then?

and perhaps tiffany. haha.

oh boy oh boy.

and meanwhile over in lake ontario ms nurul elia is leading victoria. that's laughable.

wow, incredible, all my posts are about sailing.

2007-07-15T01:10:00.000+08:00

on friday, halfway through a harry potter movie, i looked at my watch. and i saw this.

fri 7- 13
19:13

haha. exciting day.

Signs the signs invisible
Trace the trail and follow you
Wherever you will lead me to
The heart of me and you
Spilling grief to answer to
A God who never answers you

Stay asleep now everyone
Into position.

after witnessing the great lights show in the suntec movie theater, i headed west to the airport and found myself in the company of shaun toh, shawn tan and loh zhichao. i haven't met the latter two for ages.

meanwhile typhoon man-yi rages.

following the goodbyes i thoroughly enjoyed shaun's lorry ride and my midnight bak chor mee in bedok. and the company. the girls were good entertainment really.

time really has flown, everyone i know is quickly moving into adulthood i guess. now when people meet the talk is always about either work, ns or further studies. and relationships. nowadays old acquaintances meet only when they part. perhaps it's meant to be like that. (maybe there are some that part only when they meet. hmmm. greg and melissa hmmm.)

actually.

i'm usually more cryptic than this. since when did i give so many details about my day! haha. what's with me and my numbers. don't think about the numbers.

i look forward to seeing ian thorpe up on my wall some time soon. i look forward to the 65dos album on my door step. eh, no, letter box.

you're only as good as your last 22 world records.

2007-07-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

i shall first spend a moment to relish in the cinematic orchestra's lyrics. i like their new album.

Every soul comes to the sun
Carried on angel’s wings to human birth
Born of love or born of hate
Each one is heaven sent to human fate

In joy and pain each one will grow
For wisdom is so much more than what we know
And every child will find their way
Of living the whole life story day by day

Dream
Little girl, dream
Dream
Little boy, dream
Dream

Out in the garden where we planted the seeds
There is a tree as old as me
Branches were sewn by the color of green
Ground had arose and passed it's knees

By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
I held on as tightly as you held onto me
I held on as tightly as you held onto me

Cause, I built a home
for you
for me

Until it disappeared
from me
from you

And now, it's time to leave
And turn to dust.

yes and every time i hear 'the storm' i think of ms tang.

. . .

many events recently. had a most exciting and certainly memorable inter-schs last week. at the end of it i think there are only many lessons that can be drawn from it. i certainly hope that mike and lionel do at least. and i hope there's no bad feelings in the end.

and i hope my best friend is alright. cheerios mate. 'get used to it' lol.

i mean no offence to the vj sailors. you won it fair and square. just that the ac guys have every right to feel upset and hurt to win the race on the water and lose it on land. there's this paul elvstrom line that i quoted to a few of them friday night.

You haven't won the race, if in winning the race, you have lost the respect of your competitors.

fight as hard as you want on the water, but be best of pals back on shore.

in any case the night was very fun. i will remember sitting in the back of melissa's car furiously scribbling cards for 50-odd sailors, laughing at mike's 10 ways to pick up chicks, bose's distasteful messages, ribbing greg about zhaoey.

i will remember having them over at my place overnight. having greg and kwong totally walk in on me when i was showering cuz i'm not used to locking the door at home. wahahaha.

walking out in the rain with my raincoat and headphones. letting the thoughts just flow and ebb around me. splash splash splash.

i've had a good time.

. . .

according to the worlds website, maxi finished 27 places and a whopping 60 points adrift of qualifying. while vic finished 18 places and 64 points off. although she's impressed me getting into gold fleet. roy and pei ming have good prospects though.

jiayou.

interesting to see that the top 14 sailors in the radial are all of different nationalities. belarus! finland! mexico! israel! amazing.

. . .

fix the sky a little.

comics have been taken from here.

2007-07-04T23:11:00.000+08:00

feels good to be churning out acoustic chord progressions the last two days with michael. songwriting is fun.

acyc did well today. oh well you win some you lose some. tnz lost a nail biter. read about it here. meanwhile may seng leong, maxi, vic and manyi do well in cascais.

2007-07-02T17:23:00.000+08:00

bless you! hehe.

for some reason cheryl gave my ego quite a bruising on saturday night. big sigh.

i'll need to remember to make my appointment with melcolm some time next week.

i've composed a riff. quite happy with it. i'll see if i can conjure something out of it. flourish.

the eits homepage hints at doing shows in "South America, Australia, Europe and Asia." what a dream it would be to see them. even if the last album was a tad disappointing. sistic! can you do something about it please! can we have less of christina and rain and jet (zzzzzz.) and mtv superstars please. if not for my studies i probably won't mind going for funeral for a friend with shane.

apparently the only times that tnz has won has been after my blog posts. so there. you have no excuse now.

give chase.

2007-06-25T18:41:00.000+08:00

update!

team nz pulls back one whoopee!

and i just screwed up my options. nmr. i'm raging a war inside my head.

take this sinking boat
and point it home
we've still got time.

2007-06-24T11:12:00.000+08:00

2007-06-16T21:10:00.000+08:00

i just did something significant.

i googled my name. i guess i shouldn't have been so surprised with the results. but, whoa.

wait wait wait please don't let it get to your head.

somehow when i think of the word 'celebrity' there are no positive images in my mind.

somehow whenever someone congratulates me i start thinking "that was the past", "i'm trying my best to be normal. i want to complete my diploma. nothing special about that." like frying eggs.

the woes of the sportsbaby of the year. *hugs uncle edwin*

there's an interesting article from the google search though. from the aussie livesaildie website. the comments are more interesting than the article itself - it shows the different perspectives. there's one comment from ryan that warms my heart. haha penguins.

a few points/errors of note: firstly, it was our beloved giba who had coached us at the 4.7 worlds. he's hungarian. granted, peter a.k.a. pedro is aussie, but he was there to look after us, look after giba, accompany us on our morning runs and fry eggs for breakfast in the caravan. he couldn't tell a mast from a boom, let me assure you. don't worry we still love pedro all the same.

the sean lee who won the n. americans was coached by a peruvian. as far as i know, even though he works them very hard at training, the optis love him too.

hmmm. i can say more. but there are sensitive issues here. lights out then.

tissue paper

2007-06-13T07:33:00.000+08:00

treasure the good moments. because they are few and far between.

reflections from the laser trophy:
i must discourage myself from being discouraged.
i must encourage myself and think positive.
isn't that the same thing?
no.

i feel horrible inside.
smile.
something to smile about. colin 250.
save it for later.
thanks bun. i'm touched.
yet i'm confused.

oona put me on this. thanks. simpsons trailers one, two and three.
and as a bonus.

christopher o'riley has inspired me to mess with the piano again. ahhhh music.
powerful stuff.

breezechaser. a rock and a hard place.

taking off and landing

2007-06-01T00:25:00.000+08:00

callouses on the fingers. they are a measure of my happiness. borne from playing mainsheets or playing steel strings.

Transport, motorways and tramlines,

starting and then stopping,
taking off and landing,
the emptiest of feelings,

disappointed people, clinging on to bottles,
and when it comes it's so, so, disappointing.

Let down and hanging around,
crushed like a bug in the ground.
Let down and hanging around.

You know, you know where you are with,
you know where you are with,
floor collapsing, falling, bouncing back

and one day, I'm gonna grow wings.

if i ever had the time. i'd put on a pair of headphones. and walk.

i'd walk here, i'd walk there,
i'd stop to examine the cracks in the pavement, the shells upon the shore,
i'd observe people jostling for a place on board the mrt in the morning rush,
i'd observe a spider spinning its intricate web among the branches.

i'd walk up, i'd walk down,
i'd stop and start again. notice how the land rises and falls.

i'd walk through the rain.
i find it immensely enjoyable. walking while cold water drowns my jacket, while i'm still warm inside. i love the sound of water - pitter-patter over my head, splashing upon the leaves, roaring down the streams en route to the sea. i love the idea of how it is everywhere yet nowhere at the same time.

yes, i'd walk through saraca, serangoon, changi, east coast park, mt. faber with oceansize and sigur ros providing the soundscape. walk among the crowds at vivo, orchard and raffles link underground with amnesiac and ok computer. examine pavement cracks to the tune of how strange, innocence?, listen to the arcade fire while picking shells from the shore, headbang to one time for all time on board the mrt, and compare the intricacy of petrucci's 'fife and drum' to the spider's web.

and when the time comes.

i'll fly.

it'll give me a different perspective of all the things i've seen from the ground.
not just because its a different angle.
but because i can see the same ideas and beliefs across different countries. conceived and built differently. the pebbled stones on the Champs-Élysées, Arc de Triomphe, Lake Hourtin. the wonderfully named Middlefart of Denmark. the culture of Beijing, Qingdao, Enoshima, Busan, . the ever-friendly Hobart, Melbourne, Corpus Christi, Los Angeles. the dusty heat of Alexandria, Doha, Mumbai. the laid back beauty of Auckland, the Maldives, Wellington, Wanganui, Milford Sound. in particular Milford Sound. time stops in Milford Sound.

i'd walk through the four seasons. i'd jump into the pile of autumn leaves. i'd ski through the snow. roll in the hay. take a real train that huffs and puffs along the tracks as it climbs up the mountain. play paintball in a big open field. watch the battered sydney-hobart boats dock into the harbour. dive among the corals. drive a tractor on a road with sheep and horses on either side. cycle on a road with sheep and horses on either side.

i want to return to new zealand. laser radial worlds next year is in auckland. i really want to return to auckland. i like clear, logical reasoning.

its cheaper to just dream though. patience - the time will come. for now the wings stay folded. i shall stick to walking.

this was particularly inspired by the stale, lifeless shopping malls of singapore. more specifically, the boredom of 'exploring' the biggest, most crowded mall in singapore on a june holiday afternoon, 15 mins walk through mt faber away from home. cheese pie. damn sian. yes vivo is my backyard. i was showing chin leong around after we had been doing maths at my place. we did a lot of walking today.

i do not comprehend how anyone can 'love shopping'. ho hum not my thing.

recommended reading/listening - radiohead: the tourist. album closer.

it's june!
june rhymes with doom!
i write the rules here.

subterranean homesick alien

2007-05-28T11:37:00.000+08:00

The breath of the morning
I keep forgetting
The smell of the warm summer air
I live in a town where you can't smell a thing
You watch your feet for cracks in the pavement
Up above aliens hover
Making home movies for the folks back home
Of all these weird creatures who lock up their spirits
Drill holes in themselves and live for their secrets

They're all uptight

I wish that they'd swoop down in a country lane
Late at night when I'm driving
Take me on board their beautiful ship
Show me the world as I'd love to see it
I'd tell all my friends but they'd never believe
They'd think that I'd finally lost it completely
I'd show them the stars and the meaning of life
They'd shut me away
But I'd be alright

I'm just uptight

Pull me out of the aircrash,
Pull me out of the lake, 
I'm your superhero, 
we are standing on the edge.

I'm on a roll, 
I'm on a roll this time 
I feel my luck could change.

NETHERLANDS, Scheveningen.

get lonely

2007-05-19T21:37:00.000+08:00

shadows on the broad lawn,
canopy of trees.
some time after midnight,
the ground is gonna freeze.
birds in the frosty air,
what are they doing there?
greenhouse full of butcher's broom,
breezes at my back.
some time before the sun comes up,
the earth is gonna crack.
I look down at my hands,
like they were mirrors.

fresh coffee at sunrise,
warm my lips against the cup.
been waiting such a long time now,
my number's finally coming up.
all the neighbors come on out to their front porches,
waving torches.

-"New Monster Avenue"

-Paddy Clarke-
Paddy Clarke-
Has no da.
Ha ha ha!
I didn't listen to them. They were only kids.

Something happened: I started crying. I went to thump him and before I had a fist made I was crying. I hung on to his nose for a while longer, just to be holding him. I didn't know why I was crying; it shocked me. I let go of his nose. I put my arms around him. My hands touched around the back. He stayed hard and closed. I thought my arms would soften him. They'd have to.

I was hugging a statue. I couldn't even smell him because my nose was full of snot and I couldn't get rid of it. I stayed that way because I didn't want to give up. My arms got sore. My crying turned into a hum; no tears. I wondered did Sinbad - Francis - know that I'd been crying? Because of him, mostly.

I couldn't stop myself from crying these days.

I let go of him.

-Francis?

-Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha

i jumped in the river and what did I see?
black-eyed angels swimming with me;
a moon full of stars and astral cars.
all the figures i used to see,
all my lovers were there with me,
all my past and futures,
and we all went to heaven in a little row boat.

there was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt.

-"Pyramid Song"

pioneer

2007-05-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

msn. ouch.

a big thank you to ms chock, yi yang, shawn ang and arthur for today's heartwarming prank. i think it sort of like raised everyone's tensions up and then released it all in one go. so i feel kinda cleansed.

quite emotional seeing how tight this cohort is through the picture slideshow. also making me feel even worse for missing out on the first orientation. but most importantly made me realise how i've been looking so narrowly recently, as though life was just about getting through the schoolwork.

though it still doesn't ignore the fact that time is running on.

cue: fond memories with my ib class: walking into 5.6 judges the first day (having expected to be in 5.8), staring at the name list to find the names of 3 girls, 3 'lan's, and stifling the laughter.

sitting at the back of class with zheng yang, "we outcasts, don't know anybody one".

mrt rides home entertaining ourselves conning gongjiao about everything and anything.

beijing oep. late night footie. talking with the sloth.

watching the softball finals. both years.

presenting philo of winning with alex, our volunteers zhihao and greg lim.

big fish followed by soccer(again) till 4am at loyang chalet.

the last dinner with mrs lee gan soon bee. who we all started out hating but ended up respecting. i think she had never met a case as curious as mine before.

not forgetting the constant bridge, daidi, texas, 7 hand poker, hearts, spades, blackjack.

and thats just with the class. the last year was actually such a rush, there was SO MUCH that happened.

amnesiac

2007-05-15T23:15:00.000+08:00

i just found out recently that the lovely lisa hannigan will no longer be singing with damien rice. pity. they made an amazing pair on 'o'.

sufjan stevens wrote an interesting article some time ago about a new genre called friend rock.

finished tok essay to the tune of amnesiac. bloody frustrating. time spent formatting is probably comparable to the time spent writing it. life in a glasshouse. of course i'd like to sit around and chat. of course i'd like to stay and chew the fat.

suckcess.

on monday i played tennis for the first time ever. and it probably screwed my back more. ouch. i really need to watch it.

volcanoes melt you down.

pagani zonda

2007-05-06T23:49:00.000+08:00

oh well it's been a topsy turvy week.

friday was when i saw nigel koh and andrew win the first ever treble for the school. squash a, b and c div. kinda amazing la. kwong's sad cuz he wanted sailing to be the first. i'm happy for them. nigel sits next to me in class. he's pro.

pity i didn't have my camera with me when i was in the vip lounge of the kallang stadium. got a hand on ms petria thomas' athens 04 gold medal. her talk was ok la.

slam was interesting. matthew ge's glasgow kiss was brave, though it never matched the level of the original. more interesting was seeing my neighbour ben kwok's band playing. transit party lol. the band let him down la. but i knew ben to be a showman, so it was quite a treat to see him on the stage.

deluge was impressive.

afterwards i learnt that my classmates in softball had won their match too.

well yesterday i sailed for the first time in a month. wow.

and on the way to nsc my mom was driving us next to a yellow pagani zonda. wow. haha and jackson said there's only 42 of them in the world. wikipedia tells me otherwise. but anyway i told lionel apparently there are more world champions than pagani zondas in this world. wow.

I'm standing on a stage
of fear and self-doubt
It's a hollow play,
but they'll clap anyway.

My body is a cage
that keeps me from dancing
with the one I love,
but my mind holds the key.

thinking about the video. haha if i'm not wrong the french aren't particularly fond of the english. overthetop gear.

shower

2007-05-03T23:36:00.000+08:00

first shower was to disguise the hot tears. second shower was to tidy the thoughts. third and final shower was to refresh anew.

there are many words i can use, but there's no point in repeating. i feel utterly hopeless now. but ya. refresh. please.

the thing is that, although there are always more reasons to be happy than to be sad, happiness is always taken for granted, meanwhile sadness always kicks you that much harder because everything will all seem to crumble together. i just sit down in the corner spiraling ever south.

i'm lucky because
i have two caring parents, i'm well off, i'm in school, i've no disabilities, i have friends, i can survive the week if i strive

because
the world can be startlingly beautiful at times, there's music to be discovered, there is air, water and sailing is still as amazing as it has ever been.

yet woe is me because i get shot down despite giving my all, time in school has never been so fruitless before, i'm being denied everything that i take pleasure in. i haven't sailed in a month and i feel horrible. oh man even the thought of meals bore me. i drag my feet cuz they weigh a ton. the mind is loaded.

even the thought of the many times that i've fallen and picked myself up again is depressing. damn i've never entertained thoughts of giving up so often. i don't hear you no more i don't hear you no more.

shower. shower of affection.

don't think twice, it's alright

2007-05-01T00:19:00.000+08:00

hooray for labour day. i'm feeling happily nostalgic today.

along with simon and garfunkel, peter, paul and mary were an early influence on my music. it was probably the only music i remembered since it stood out from all the other classical music my parents played when i was young.

here's a medley of some of my favourite p, p & m.

In the early mornin' rain
With a dollar in my hand
And an aching in my heart
And my pockets full of sand
I'm a long way from home,
And I miss my loved one so
In the early mornin' rain
With no place to go.

Out on runway number nine,
Big seven-o-seven set to go
But I'm out here on the grass
Where the pavement never grows
Well the liquor tasted good
And the women all were fast
There she goes my friend,
She's rollin' down at last.

Hear the mighty engine roar,
See the silver wing on high
She's away and westward bound
Far above the clouds she'll fly
Where the mornin' rain don't fall
And the sun always shines
She'll be flyin' o're my home
In about three hours time.

This old airport's got me down,
It's no earthly good to me
Cause I'm stuck here on the ground,
Cold and drunk, as I might be.
Can't jump a jet plane
Like you can a freight train

So I'd best be on my way
In the early mornin' rain.

i just spoke to manyi over msn. she's in portugal - just finished racing the eurolympics with a credible 29th. analysed these results with cai. funny to find a jens lehmann at 84th in the men's 470s.

When I was just a lad of ten
My father said to me,
"Come here and take a lesson
From the lovely lemon tree."
"Don't put your faith in love, my boy",
My father said to me,
"I fear you'll find that love is like
The lovely lemon tree."

One day beneath the lemon tree,
My love and I did lie
A girl so sweet that when she smiled
The stars rose in the sky.
We passed that summer lost in love
Beneath the lemon tree
the music of her laughter
Hid my father's words from me

One day she left without a word.
She took away the sun.
And in the dark she left behind,
I knew what she had done.
She'd left me for another,
It's a common tale but true.
A sadder man but wiser now
I sing these words to you:

Lemon tree very pretty
And the lemon flower is sweet
But the fruit of the poor lemon
Is impossible to eat.

i'm a happy boy cuz greg has sent me 'install a beak in the heart...' destruction of small ideas is out i believe.

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe,
It don't matter, anyhow.
And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe,
If you don't know by now.
When the rooster crows at the break of dawn,
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm travelin' on,
Don't think twice it's all right.

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe,
Light I never know'd
It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe,
I'm on the dark side of the road.
Still I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay,
We never did too much talkin' anyway,
Don't think twice it's all right.

I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe,
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But goodbye is too good a word gal,
So I'll just say "fair-thee-well"
I ain't saying you treated me unkind,
You coulda done better, but I don't mind
You just sorta wasted my precious time,
Don't think twice it's all right.

It ain't no use in callin' out my name gal,
Like you never did before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name gal,
I can't hear you anymore.
I'm a thinkin' and a wonderin'
All the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told,

I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul,
Don't think twice it's all right.

deliverance

2007-04-24T21:39:00.000+08:00

Leave it be
It was meant for me
Soul sacrifice
Forgot the advice
Lost track of time
In a flurry of smoke
Waiting anxiety
For a fair judgement deserved

deliverance.

don't go down to depression, little victories

2007-04-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

maths murdered me. ruthless.

after that tonight it just sorta went downhill
tumbling down down down (mom!!) down.
fight off your demons
don't go down to sorrow
wallowing
thank you 65daysofstatic. envy. brand new.
douse the flames.

warm strangers

2007-04-17T23:42:00.000+08:00

we're here where the daylight begins
the fog on the streetlight slowly thins
water on water's the way
the safety of shoreline fading away

fear is the brightest of signs
the shape of the boundary you leave behind
so sing all your questions to sleep
the answers are out there in the drowning deep

you've got a journey to make
there's your horizon to chase
so go far beyond where we stand
no matter the distance
I'm holding your hand

sail your sea
meet your storm
all I want is to be your harbour
the light in me
will guide you home
all I want is to be your harbour

vienna teng.

do. make. say. think.
see. feel. hear. act.
meet. meander. miss. mistake.

haha don't harbour your thoughts.

get fuzzy

2007-04-15T10:27:00.000+08:00

Bridge.
Parsley.
Electric.

Rolling.
Exile.
Doo doo. On the tracks.

Nevermind.

Wish.

London.

. . .

Dad [after listening to welcome, ghosts]:
is there a groove problem in the cd?is it stuck on repeat?
... is this even music?

car stops on the driveway. dad takes out cd.
as i step out of the car, the radio is playing
"i played with your heart, got lost in the game"
over the living room sound system.

Me:
so would you prefer this music?

Dad:
ya i think it is slightly more musical.

Me:
haha. it's britney.

Dad:
oh shit.

ouch!

on hand holding

2007-04-10T17:30:00.000+08:00

the sensation is electric. starting from the hands.

can't remember the 1st reason why i jotted down the word 'repercussions'. i remember the 2nd though. haha.

just seen the four lasers' princess sofia trophy results. find it kinda interesting how the papers will report the world championship victories and lose focus on our beijing prospects.

how, nothing will come of nothing.
the bow is bent and drawn;
the king lears at me.

chase

2007-04-08T13:38:00.000+08:00

paper cut to the chase.

illuminate my heart!

cut to the chase.

to the chase.

the chase.

chase.

chase eternal bliss. destination:elsewhere.

there's a line from a josh ritter's song. 'thin blue flame'.

it's a hell of a heaven we must go to when we die.

and now i'll end off with a radiohead b-side. 'fog (again)'.

There's a little child
Runnin' 'round this house
And he never leaves
He will never leave

And the fog comes up

From the sewers and
Glows in the dark

Baby alligators in the sewers
Grow up fast
Grow up fast
Anything you want it can be done now

How did you go bad?
Did you go bad?
Did you go bad?

Some things will never wash away

go to sleep.

oh dear.

2007-03-28T18:23:00.001+08:00

letters from the withered tree.

dear temptation,

i never sought for these distractions yet i am grappling.

dear peace of mind,
where have you been lately? we should meet up some time soon, for a cup of coffee, a chat.

dear brightness,
lift me. let me soar. above the chaos.

dear fear,

spare me.

dear me,
dear me,
what have i done? oh dear.

torn asunder!

inverse relationship

2007-03-19T23:48:00.000+08:00

someone's annoyed that she can't understand my posts.

how about this?

today term 2 started.

i shall call my bike 'woodpecker' because there was one knocking on the tree outside my house when i took it out for the first time.

i've been posting many photos lately.

photo 1 - inversed the colours on a pic i took of ira kaplan and his band yo la tengo performing live at the esplanade last monday night.

photo 2 - flirting with danger/confronting my childhood purple nemesis.

photo 3 - just a funny photo.

world's end girlfriend

2007-03-16T23:55:00.000+08:00

there's a person out there that i know. he's a decent enough person, and yes i would consider him as a friend. who's msn nick reads smth like

Jus 3 more days of hard work and YoUtH WoRLdS wILL bE mInE!

ok lionel i can feel it now i can feel the guilt.

suddenly this all makes an awful lot of sense.

work. time.
tick. tock.
switch on switch off.

if it ain't broke don't f'ing fix it.

ah yes! thats the word i was looking for.
fix that. it's clockwork that we need.
tick tock like clockwork and away we go.
that's what they want it's what they want give them what they want

nah i'm no fool.

swallow

2007-03-13T17:42:00.000+08:00

And if you ask for a nickel
I'm gonna hand you a dime

And we'll forget about our problems at home
For a little while
And leave our worries in the corner
Leave them in a big big pile
Pretend everything can be alright

jumping. and more chewing.

funny how i saw sherm and fahris twice in the space of 2 hours, in 2 very different places, and situations.

from the "i might be wrong: live recordings" -

I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace
I'll dress like your niece
To wash your swollen feet

I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands
Your crazy kitten smile

And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love lives
On lollipops and crisps

Just don't leave, don't leave.

thank you everybody, goodnight.

hara-kiri/intervention

2007-03-07T22:45:00.000+08:00

i have a bizarre dilemma.

here in the pearl there's a very pleasant 50m pool. recently i've tried to see if i could still swim.

without regular training, the strokes seem out of place, the kick is out of rhythm. most importantly the breathing is - desperate.

i couldn't swim 2 laps without coming up panting, breathless. and this is even when i'm trying to take slow, controlled (somewhat) pulls.

all the more frustrating when i realised that everything falls into place when i start sprinting. 8 strokes without nary a hurried breath. yet obviously i can't sprint 2 laps without being breathless as well.

thus the startling realisation that i was panting just as badly after 2 slow laps as after 2 fast laps. the only difference was the lactic acid in the muscles.

that's like...

learning how to do implicit differentiation before learning the multiplication table

being able to apply quantum physics before knowing why the darn apple falls to the ground

a bird flying before it can stand

playing petrucci before knowing how to play "happy birthday"!!!

it's funny how i can't swim slow.

. . .

indonesia's suffering.

a recurring theme is death. seems to be all around us.

i'm recalling letters from iwo jima. the stark image was of the soldiers' 'hara-kiri' - a group of battered soldiers pulling the pin from their grenades and holding them lovingly to their chests.

song is 'intervention' by the mighty arcade fire.

The king's taken back the throne
The useless seed is sown
When they say they're cutting off the phone
I tell 'em you're not home

No place to hide
You were fighting as a soldier on their side
You're still a soldier in your mind
Though nothing's on the line

tremors.

I can taste the fear
Lift me up and take me out of here
Don't wanna fight, don't wanna die
Just wanna hear you cry

Who's gonna throw the very first stone
Oh, who's gonna reset the bone
Walking with your head in a sling
Wanna hear the soldier sing

Working for the church
while your life falls apart
Singin' hallelujah with the fear in your heart
Every spark of friendship and love
will die without a home
Hear the soldier groan "We'll go at it alone"
Hear the soldier groan "We'll go at it alone"

neon bible is a splendid album.

a little less conversation

2007-03-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

i just had a wonderfully entertaining phone conversation. call it a 'telejam'.

i was playing minor chords on the acoustic as kwong's sax wailed through the phone's loudspeaker. epiphone.

i can't do this
alone.

. . .

Then they all stuck a pin in their fingers to get blood to sign with, and I made my mark on the paper.

"Now," says Ben Rogers, "what's the line of business of this Gang?"

"Nothing only robbery and murder," Tom said.

"But who are we going to rob?--houses, or cattle, or--"

"Stuff! stealing cattle and such things ain't robbery; it's burglary," says Tom Sawyer. "We ain't burglars. That ain't no sort of style. We are highwaymen. We stop stages and carriages on the road, with masks on, and kill the people and take their watches and money."

"Must we always kill the people?"

"Oh, certainly. It's best. Some authorities think different, but mostly it's considered best to kill them--except some that you bring to the cave here, and keep them till they're ransomed."

"Ransomed? What's that?"

"I don't know. But that's what they do. I've seen it in books; and so of course that's what we've got to do."

"But how can we do it if we don't know what it is?"

"Why, blame it all, we've GOT to do it. Don't I tell you it's in the books? Do you want to go to doing different from what's in the books, and get things all muddled up?"

"Oh, that's all very fine to SAY, Tom Sawyer, but how in the nation are these fellows going to be ransomed if we don't know how to do it to them? --that's the thing I want to get at. Now, what do you reckon it is?"

"Well, I don't know. But per'aps if we keep them till they're ransomed, it means that we keep them till they're dead."

"Now, that's something LIKE. That'll answer. Why couldn't you said that before? We'll keep them till they're ransomed to death; and a bothersome lot they'll be, too--eating up everything, and always trying to get loose."

"How you talk, Ben Rogers. How can they get loose when there's a guard over them, ready to shoot them down if they move a peg?"

"A guard! Well, that IS good. So somebody's got to set up all night and never get any sleep, just so as to watch them. I think that's foolishness. Why can't a body take a club and ransom them as soon as they get here?"

"Because it ain't in the books so--that's why. Now, Ben Rogers, do you want to do things regular, or don't you?--that's the idea. Don't you reckon that the people that made the books knows what's the correct thing to do? Do you reckon YOU can learn 'em anything? Not by a good deal. No, sir, we'll just go on and ransom them in the regular way."

"All right. I don't mind; but I say it's a fool way, anyhow. Say, do we kill the women, too?"

"Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on. Kill the women? No; nobody ever saw anything in the books like that. You fetch them to the cave, and you're always as polite as pie to them; and by and by they fall in love with you, and never want to go home any more."

"Well, if that's the way I'm agreed, but I don't take no stock in it. Mighty soon we'll have the cave so cluttered up with women, and fellows waiting to be ransomed, that there won't be no place for the robbers. But go ahead, I ain't got nothing to say."

hawkward

2007-02-26T15:17:00.000+08:00

what a horrid monday. i won't try to do anything like that again.

Adjust the aperture to focus on the negative
Like phosphors in the darkroom ignite
Like dodging faces in the corner of the print
Frame by frame this hole is opening up and we fall in
There is no such thing as whole
There is a hole in the world

feels awkward.

that cold, flamin' mountain (goes into a frenzy).

. . .

in other news. 'the destruction of small ideas' is coming out in april. 'systematic chaos' is scheduled for june. 'all of a sudden, i miss everyone' is... already out.

...karnataka, the reasoning, opeth, kino, mono, world's end girlfriend.

yup.

bai nian

2007-02-21T11:52:00.000+08:00

look who decided to drop in to bai nian this morning.

kept me fascinated (read: distracted) for a while.

Nature and Nature's laws
lay hid in night:
God said, Let Newton Be! and
all was light.

the flames beyond the cold mountain

2007-02-17T23:42:00.000+08:00

cny is going to be a downer. on the heels of the last few good days.

let's see.

friday.

- collected a shirt from shu fen (result of a recent sponsorship).

- and a free 'aus sailing' mag. cuz there was a pic featuring brett and i shaking hands at the ag. for an article about the original WC. schweeet.

- went for a splash. tried to impart some gybing skills on acsi's laser fleet haha. good fun.

- got to preview the ag appreciation dinner video in the office while waiting for my ride home. featured seng leong's animated reaction after crossing the line. heh.

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever.

saturday.

- heard that 'hysteria' bassline booming next door when i got back to saraca for cny. dropped everything, went over to... contribute lead vocals for my neighbour's band! haha. i sang (or squealed, rather) radiohead's creep, karma police, goo goo dolls' big machine, rhcp's by the way.

- had a sudden revelation that i couldn't sing.

arrest this man. he talks in maths.

- gave my dad's triathlon bike a spin over to greg's house. sick carbon fibre shit.

- played some footy, followed by 1.5 hrs of ping pong vs. the backhand serve virtuoso.

- had a feast at my aunt's place. met lucy! that fat lovable feline.

- heard simon & gar... no wait. they're called kings of convenience. heard 'riot on an empty street' once through.

- realised that the mars volta actually went so far out of their way to write a catchy song. viscera eyes.

thus i conclude that cny won't hold much interest for me this year. (i imagine pple will be thinking twice about giving me money in red packets. but thats beside the point.)

oh, oh, oh, i
just wanna hold you.

restraint.

a wolf at the door

2007-02-15T20:31:00.000+08:00

I sucked the moon
I spoke too soon
And how much did it cost?
I was dropped from moonbeams
And sailed on shooting stars

Maybe you'll
Be president
But know right from wrong
Or in the flood
You'll build an Ark
And sail us to the moon
Sail us to the moon
Sail to the moon

no alarms and
no surprises please.
keep the wolf from the door.

shivermatics.
f(life) = acceleration
f''(relationship) = commitment.

(sigh)*10^16.

while my guitar fuckmegently weeps.

start something beautiful

2007-02-14T00:26:00.000+08:00

we were having a conversation at sunday's reunion dinner table. about retaking papers, retaining.

da jiu: timothy how old are you?
timothy: you are 36 years older than me!
da jiu: really! so how old will i be when you're 50?
timothy: you'll be in heaven!

imagine the shock if you were told you needed to take an entrance exam to get admission into heaven. "you have before you, 50 mcq questions, 2 data response questions and 1 essay response question. you have 2 hours. you may begin."

q1. how many times have you lied?
a. 10 b. 1 000 c. 100 000 d. 10 000 000

erq. is god a woman? justify your answer.

aiya. school's tough. some casualties arising. hardly makes for good dinner conversation.

start something beautiful.

i am not afraid of you and i will beat your ass

2007-02-09T21:25:00.000+08:00

they refuse to conform to any rules.

nigel koh returns soon. in the meantime nigel sia aka lele has been wonderfully successful in entertaining us. his feeble attempts to keep a straight face while posing for yearbook photos, and feeble attempts at chinese new year decorations, which included flying pigs, satellites, submarines, toilet paper clouds, among other nonsense.

with classmates like these, who needs parties?

note: the sms is woefully inadequate for expressing emotion the way it's meant to be.

yo la tengo!

for the workforce, drowning.

2007-02-06T22:34:00.000+08:00

understand.
passion.
God.
perspectives.
restraint.
connect.

renewal.
awake!

this is an old song. it's still great. i'll end this post here.

Falling from the top floor your lungs
fill like parachutes
the windows go rushing by.
the people inside they're
dressed for the funeral in black and white.
These ties strangle our necks,
hanging in the closet,
filed in the cubicle;
without a name, just numbers,
on the resume stored in the mainframe,
marked for delete.

save our ship
the anchor is part of the desk
we can't cut free,
the water is flooding the decks
the memos sent through the currents
computers spark like flares
i can see them.
they don't touch me, touch me.
please someone,
teach me how to swim.
please, don't let me drown,
please, don't let me drown.

time takes it's damn time

2007-02-03T12:03:00.000+08:00

Leaving his maiden
he rose to the sky
Returning in splendors
to earth he did fly
Subject to presence
too brilliant to face
Another had killed passion's grace

'philosophy of winning' with alex went very well in the end. walked out with a smile on my face. and then there's that other, contagious joy that the ice cappuccino brought.

hmmm. never have i seen so many zeroes before.

"as futile as

sweeping leaves in a
swirling breeze"

Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades

2007-01-23T18:49:00.000+08:00

"When you ask a person to jump, his attention is mostly directed toward the act of jumping and the mask falls so that the real person appears." - Phillipe Halsman

i'm joyful. i'm jumping.

because of the amazing weekend soccer.

and that other, contagious happiness that the frisbee brought me today. yeah!

the beginning of the world often comes
and then crawls out the window.
-Some By Sea

The tickle, the taste of,
It used to be the reason that I breathed,
But now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

fearsome falsetto

2007-01-17T00:39:00.000+08:00

matt bellamy has a falsetto to be feared.

Change
Everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called
Fights, battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead

i've got a decent video of the opener knights of cydonia, but it's 7mb too big to be uploaded on to youtube.

so then. more pictures.

i was pleasantly surprised to recognise 2 arcade fire songs that were played before the band took the stage.

bemused.

takk...

2007-01-13T12:21:00.000+08:00

i feel like i've started the year 2007

12 days late.

. . .

passion allows us to pursue goals.

can i pursue passion?

. . .

i've been listening to the album 'Takk...' by the Icelandic Sigur Rós. besides the cool idea of having an apostrophe on every other vowel in the song name, the music is glorious.

glósóli, sæglópur, svo hljótt.

a thought left over

2007-01-13T12:07:00.001+08:00

a thought left over from the past weeks.

sung to the tune of green day's good riddance (time of your life).

the race is unpredictable,
but it's the Asian Games,

we hope you had the Games of your Life.

theme songs from tassie down under.

some pics i really like. supermaxis from the sydney-hobart.

partridges and pear trees

2006-12-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

nice to wind down for 10 days (of christmas?). taking

nonchalent strides

without any real goal of achieving anything.

other than shopping for pear tree partridges.

i realised when i got back home that this old hot wheels car model that had been sitting in the 'dump useless things never to be seen again' room since forever

was actually a 1957 chevrolet corvette. you gotta be shittin me.

welcome, ghosts

2006-12-16T14:29:00.000+08:00

all of a sudden, i miss everyone.

good weather for airstrikes.

medals

2006-12-13T16:48:00.000+08:00

i think this is particularly special. and this.

seng leong's story of that last race will be a legend for many years to come. i'll certainly remember it since i was watching his race intensely most of the whole way through.

well. i've had this feeling.

in the end, sailing is not about whether or not you're racing relative unknowns or world champions.

it's not about whether you were a boatlength over the line or behind the line with a second left on the clock.

it's not about whether or not you face a lengthy protest in the evening even though there's no doubt you're in the right, or whether or not there is a chinese / myanmar / malaysian / whatever umpire in the hearing.

and it's definitely not about whether the race is nothing but a friendly rivalry or if there is a quarter million at stake.

no. sailing

is about knowing that the wind is going right in the next 2 minutes.

having the right timing and judgement in steering through chop.

and being able to link 5 waves in a row. repeatedly.

sailing is about the adrenaline rush when the 20 knot gust hits the mainsail.

sailing

is about sailing.

ornament/ the last wrongs

2006-12-01T15:11:00.000+08:00

in a nutshell.

(paraphrase)

start upwind downwind reach finish.

mistake free.

repeat.

asian games 2006

2006-11-24T17:38:00.000+08:00

it's an amazing experience.

if you really want any news just go to the ssf site. i've got to many things here to entertain me :D

Out on the road there are fireflies circling

Deep in the woods, where the lost souls hide

Over the hill there are men returning

Trying to find some peace of mind

Under the fog there are shadows moving

Don't be afraid, hold my hand

Into the dark there are eyelids closing

Buried alive in the shifting sands

Speak to me now and the world will crumble

Open a door and the moon will fall

All of your life, all your memories

Go to your dreams, forget it all

Sleep my child.

arriving somewhere but not here/the point of no return

2006-11-17T23:32:00.000+08:00

a whole new wardrobe and a dress rehearsal.

hmm. i guess it's my duty to note down a few important dates.

nov 19 - 250 am. leave singapore.
dec 5-12 - racing.
dec 17 - return home.
dec 27 - leave for aus.
jan 11 - return home.

This stupid situation now
Where everything goes wrong
If you can't tell if I am lying
Then you do not belong

So go play with your piano,
Write a mediocre song,
Out of the shell of mediocrity
And pretend there's nothing wrong
I never thought you were a chicken shit
I never thought of you at all
Until you asked me to be part of it
Now you're showing me your wall

I wouldn't want you to want
To be wanted by me
I wouldn't want you to worry
You'd be drowned within my sea
I only wanted to be wonderful
And wonderful is true,
In truth
I only really wanted to be wanted by you

been listening to this irish fellow recently.

arriving somewhere
but not here.

the point of no return.

bring

2006-11-14T11:56:00.000+08:00

the games of your life.

bring me places.
bring me fame.
bring me glory.
bring me riches, attention, girls.

bring me whatever i need not. nor what i want.

bring me joy, bring me respect.
bring me enlightenment, peace of mind.
bring me away.

or leave me.

the sound of muzak

2006-11-13T23:56:00.000+08:00

y'know. most of the music going around isn't half bad.

it's only when they decide it's such a hit that it deserves constant non-stop play round the radio and tv stations. often amounting to 3 or more 'ear'ial(aerial) assaults a day.

we'll carry on
we'll carry on
we'll carry on
we'll carry on?

the villains?

bad day. black parade. chasing cars. i write sins not tragedies.

i'll venture a guess with the future suspects.

"i don't feel like dancin, sexybackrudebox. can you call me again when you're sober?"

something's killed the rock star alright. maybe peter logan was power-hungry. haha. nah. i can respect his taste in tunes.

we'll carry on!

it's going to be a good day

2006-11-06T13:23:00.000+08:00

Scissors cutting out your anger
Bite your tongue,
ignore the splinter.

helllllooooo monday.

acsailors have left for cambodia,
it's going to be a good day.
i cracked my centreboard,
it's going to be a good day.
brett's left,
it's going to be a good day.
i've had to break the lock,
it's going to be a good day.
i didn't know there were 2 plaza parkroyals, it's going to be a good day.

sorry to disappoint you, but. i don't care.
i'm going to have to be faster than furious.

it's going to be
a great day.

good day to you.

2006-11-06T10:19:00.000+08:00

Orange Commercial

i like this ad. the song is 'music for a nurse', by the band known as oceansize.

rudy project

2006-11-03T22:05:00.000+08:00

i'm fucking pissed can. i can't mince my words here, as much as i hate to rant.

it's outrageous. it's astounding. it's driving me out of my mind cuz it was a fucking accident waiting to happen. nor is this the first time either. absolutely disgusted with myself.

ugh. i don't know how i kept from swearing in front of my parents.

rage against the machine.

this post took about 10 times less time and thought then the previous one. forgive me.

it's all just a performance

2006-11-03T16:16:00.000+08:00

it's all just a performance.

i sit here, smiling, with my spanking new uniform, bag, title, class, sail. the sea is calm, the radio's crooning 'she will be loved' over the loud speakers, i've got my pocari sweat, people are talking,

and i wonder what it is that has gone wrong with me the last two weeks. six degrees of inner turbulence.

i'd have been a lot more vulgar if i had just sat down to type this out last night without thinking through it more.

the truth is that i haven't had a happy sail for a dreadfully long time. it's killing me.

it's partly the reason why i've been going to sleep a bit guilty since monday - so i'm grateful she's let me off the hook.

my mood's not right. it's not suited for the performance.

so why'd ya fill my sorrow
with the words you borrow
from the only place you've known
why'd ya sing hallelujah
if it means nothin' to ya
why'd ya sing with me at all?

ideas are bulletproof

2006-10-30T17:06:00.000+08:00

ideas can be very fickle. yet, according to v. ideas are bulletproof.

. . .

lazy lasers in happy hobieland. foon and spock.

6 days felt like a long time. and now i feel as if i just came home from an overseas trip. lethargic and all.

hmm. rachel turned 13 yesterday. toh and zhen celebrated their 7th anniversary. and i just witnessed a rather touchy zhang ziyi in house of flying daggers.

i'm not sure what to think.

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
that brings me to my knees

I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless
And maybe I'll find some peace tonight

porcupine tree

2006-10-23T00:20:00.000+08:00

colours awards was better than usual, chatting and joking with the acjc rugger sitting beside me. dinner with sarah, pris and melcolm afterwards was good as well.

citius. altius. fortius.

i find it ok to be sian of studying. but i'll never want to be sian of sailing.

a 60-ton angel
falls to the earth.

turning my back on the 5 intertwined rings.

subdued

2006-10-19T20:03:00.001+08:00

the term 'world champion' is complete and utter nonsense. because you're only ever as good as your last race.

FFPCP.
FUBR.

come on feel the illinoise!

2006-10-17T23:06:00.000+08:00

my life is no longer running at a simple 4/4 time signature.

the chorus has been sung. cue the instrumental solo. if you would please, mr. petrucci. furia taurina.

complications very simply just lead to even more complications. 2 years. oh god the opportunity is so great. it's hard to resist isn't it.

and yet.

i swear listening to radiohead makes you look at things from a different angle.

how to disappear completely

Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes
I'm not here
This isn't happening

exit music (for a film)

Wake from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today we escape
We escape

everyone's marching to different beats. people out of step with the fading time.

. . .

here's a change to rectify the situation.

as indicated by the lack of posts, my days have been quite jampacked recently. which is what makes me happy and keeps me going. returning to sailing, surfing.

like spring after winter.
like a cold shower after a run.
like the new leaf seldom overturned.
a swift change of melody, the renewal.
like waking from a long sleep.
the accelerator pedal depressed to the floor.

my last, dignified, glorious breath?

. . .

sitting at home studying over 2 weekends, i've realised how lucky i am to sail. besides keeping me out of trouble, i don't think i would be able to find something to do for every weekend of the year. besides studying, it's going on outings, getting a job, or, i suppose like most people, bum around on the sofa in front of the tv or computer screen.

last 2 days i've been a bit of rebel, leaving school early to watch a movie, and today going to someone's house. i won't be hanging out with those people very much more. i can't stand the stench nor the idea of them puffing away before me.

but today was fun because they dressed up to go into hwa chong junior college. funny shit. i saw them off before heading back to sch for my taxi pool to gym.

give credit to people like bryan hooi and wei xiong who have the discipline and patience to sit down and go through their work on an almost daily basis. they certainly deserve their grade 7s and places in harvard and the like.

as for lesser beings like myself, i have to get out and chase the wind. if only to console myself that i'm never going to have what it takes to be an ideal student.

The lower side is a jukebox
playing the deadman's crescendo
The needle is a vector
An intersection that we all must cross
A dimly lit hallway
where shadows of moths decorate the walls
Discard this message,
discard this message,
discard this message


Burn your city down


Discard this message
Throw this bottle back in the ocean
Rip this page from the history books
Smash all the street signs
Erase all the maps
Forget my name
Forget my face
Forget my name
Because it's gonna rain, it's gonna rain
and it never ends

We all sing the songs of seperation
and we watch our lives bleed out through
our hands
that's how it was on the first day
when we saw Paris in flames

. . .

thanks dear. for the present. the concern. the illinoise. the big fish. i do miss you... from time

to time.

'tribute to the bespectacled mofo'

2006-10-08T21:18:00.000+08:00

cai weiguo's impression of colin.

'tribute to the bespectacled mofo' 2. hahaha.

mr. lonely has been accompanying me at the back of the boat park for the last year or so. which means he has witnessed a few of my more shameful incidents including a couple of mast breakages, missed finish lines, tests conducted to prove the water resistance of polar watches. he's also been there to see my 'gay torn sail in front' every now and then.

but credit to him he still shows enthusiasm in analysing the reasons why colin has been raping ass. considering he could well have gone to doha in march if not for me.

and then there's all the times when we've made a fool of ourselves, on and off the water, or on the soccer pitch.

haha this is such a lame post. but i think i owe you a lot.

though i don't think i would go to the extent of buying you a strawberry cake in the shape of a heart.

happy birthday cai tao kuay. my lovely gay training partner. see you on the water soon la. let me rape my chem and maths papers first can?

glittering cloud; a falling bomb

2006-10-05T20:51:00.000+08:00

glittering cloud.

Shut the window love,
keep the world outside
I don't want to think about anyone
And the footsteps are getting louder
Drowning out the sound of the rain
as it knocks on the windowsill
I'm not answering the phone, let it ring
Lately i've been feeling like a falling bomb
The ground is getting closer
and the sky is falling down

This song has been brought to you
by a falling bomb

i'm sorry.

here on, heroine, hearing harrowing herring here in heroin heron.

gravitational force = GMm/r^2

2006-09-30T21:37:00.000+08:00

does it really matter to me.

today is the first time i've ever stayed home the whole day for study.

the end product is that i've grasped gravitation and momentum. which is significant.

200 km/h in the wrong lane

2006-09-26T20:29:00.000+08:00

on this 'thru train'
hurtling down the tracks
drove through ghosts to get here
at this velocity.

reminds me of that album name
'200 km/h in the wrong lane'.

be nice.

you're pitiful

2006-09-21T20:55:00.000+08:00

you're pitiful. it's true.

i don't understand whats with keeping an account with friendster, bebo, 'tagged', all these online programs to supposedly keep you connected with your friends. maybe it's only cuz i'm too busy to keep up with these things to realise what i'm missing. other than that, they keep sending messages to my email, harrassing me to keep updating my profile, to keep in touch with my friends, to keep tagging/give testimonials on their profiles. and once you've decided to activate an account, they'll keep it going and ask you to invite all the people on your address list.

i only joined tagged cuz i admire you.

you are measured by the friends you keep? certainly not if it refers to the hundreds of 2nd, 3rd degree pals online.

so if you do happen to stumble upon my horribly neglected profile anywhere, do have the sense to realise that i'm not usually around to notify the internet world of my existence.

as for now it's up to me to keep plugging away.

lock away the good result. - brett beyer

gg no rm

2006-09-17T22:46:00.001+08:00

wow ok there's this game out there that i'm sure nobody has ever heard of it's called DOTA and OMG it's sooooooo freaking fun i play it every day and i dream of it every night heck i even talk about it every hour even though no one understands me cuz i've memorised all the different heroes and items and recipes and oh and i know what each one does and i know how to OWN everyone else even better is hearing "TRIPLE-KILL" and "UNSTOPPABLE" over and over again just cuz i'm so imba like OMFG WTH i'm just so BEYOND GODLIKE at this game shit!! i can't stand it.

studying overseas; weiling's departure

2006-09-17T21:51:00.000+08:00

on thursday a couple of old acs boys paid our 5.6 a visit. they came to talk about studying overseas, globalisation and the singapore identity. they weren't very entertaining (other than the fact that one of them was rather feminine), but thats beside the point.

i used to think going overseas was out of the question. lately i've taken it to be a possibility. the last few days i've actually found myself dreaming about it.

for some reason i imagined cycling down to the sea for a sailing session after a short day of school. then out of the blue i just told dad how cool it might be to study in new zealand. milford sound university.

the evidence shows i'm not the only one thinking astray. more than a few people in our level have already disappeared, most recently weiling. i was never really close to her, but her departure has left me with many more thoughts to consider.

so i guess this song is for you.

Everything is open
Nothing is set in stone
Rivers turn to oceans
Oceans tide you home
Home is where the heart is
But your heart had to roam
Drifting over bridges
Never to return
Watching bridges burn

Everywhere there's trouble
Nowhere's safe to go
Pushes turn to shovels
Shovelling the snow
Frozen you have chosen
The path you wish to go
Drifting now forever
And forever more
Until you reach your shore

So I'm sorry
That you've turned to driftwood
But you've been drifting for a long, long time

tom slingsby's playground

2006-09-15T23:52:00.000+08:00

introducing... tom slingsby's playground.

poor maxi.

party.

2006-09-12T21:49:00.000+08:00

pepper puppy poop, pimp pop piper,
pomp pope pupil, pulp paper popper,

prompt pipe party.

perplexing perpendicular planes preparing purple precipitate.

feel good inc.

2006-09-04T08:18:00.000+08:00

i feel good after sailing. incurred after realising not a single radial crossed my bow yesterday. i'll have to try hard to hide my grin today.

the editors cover of gorillaz' feel good inc.

. . .

Old man Rivoli had a wall. This wall ran along a road, and it was crumbling badly. The rains and the road mender's pickax had undermined the base. The stones, having come loose, hardly held together any longer, and cracks were opening up. It was beautiful, however, having the look of an ancient ruin. Some irises crowned the top, while figworts, maidenhair, and houseleeks pushed their way through the fissures. Some poppies, too, paraded their frail bodies between cracks in the rubble-stones. But Pop Rivoli was not sensitive to the poetry of his wall, and, after examining it at length, and jiggling some of its loose stones like teeth in the jaws of a poor man, he finally decided to repair it. He had no need of a mason because he had done every job under the sun during his life. He knew how to mix up the mortar just as he knew how to plane down a board, harden a piece of iron, and square a rafter. Besides, a mason costs a lot without necessarily getting the job done. Pop Rivoli bought some lime and mixed it with a little sand on the road at the base of the wall, and gathered some stones from inside his little yard. Having done all that, he put himself to work.

But hardly had he, one morning, thrown a half-trowel of mortar to fill in the first hole, and wedged the first stone into place, when suddenly he heard a harsh voice call out behind him:
"Hey, Pop, what are you doing there?"

It was the municipal surveyor, making his morning rounds. He carried a game bag on his back, crammed with instruments of geometry, and in his arm he had two levels, painted red and white.

"Ah-hah!" he said after he put his things down on the road bank, "A strict regulation, and you're violating it again. And at your age! Look here - what are you up to?"

Old man Rivoli turned around and said, "Well... I'm fixing my wall - you see how it's coming apart all over..."

"I see it, " replied the surveyor, "but do you have a permit?"

The old man was alarmed and stood up, and now he stood with his hands placed against his stiff back. "A permit, you say? Doesn't my own wall belong to me? Do I need a permit to do as I like with my wall - knock it down or straighten it out if I feel like it?"

"Don't get wise, you old rascal. You know the bottom line."

"Still," Rivoli persisted , "Is the wall mine - yes or no?"

"The wall is yours, but it's on a road. And you don't have the right to repair a wall which is yours, but is on a road."

"But you can plainly see that it can hardly stand up any more," the old man pointed out, "and if I don't fix it, it'll fall down like a dead man."

"That's possible, but it's no concern of mine. I'm writing you a summons, firstly, for repairing your wall without authorization. Secondly, for having, also without authorization, placed materials on a public way. It'll cost you exactly one fifty-ecu piece as a fine, my dear Pop Rivoli. Ha! That'll teach you to use ignorance of the law as an excuse!"

Old Rivoli opened his mouth wide, toothless and black as a furnace. He was so stupefied that he could not utter a single word. His eyes spun around in their sockets like little tops. After a minute he groaned and took his cap off with a gesture of deep discouragement.

"Fifty ecus!" he blurted out, "Lord Jesus, is it possible?"

The municipal surveyor continued: "And that's not all. You must repair your wall."

"No, no. I won't repair it." the old man replied, "It's not worth the fifty ecus. I'll do as I'm supposed to."

"You must fix your wall," the functionary persisted, "because it's in a dangerous state of disrepair, and it'll damage the road when it falls. And remember this well: if your wall comes down, I will write you a new summons, and then you'll need exactly one hundred ecus to pay the fine." Pop Rivoli started to panic. "A hundred ecus! Damn! What is this world coming to?"

"But first, listen up: go and ask, on a stamped document that costs twelve sous, for a permit from the prefect." "I can't read at all," said Rivoli.

"That's not my problem at all. That's it, basically. I'll be keeping an eye on you."

Pop Rivoli went back into his house. He didn't know how to solve his dilemma, but he did know that the administration didn't play any games with the poor folks. If he fixed his wall, it would bring on a fifty-ecu fine. If he didn't fix it, then a hundred ecus. They force him to mend the wall and forbid him to mend it at the same time. In either case, he was at fault and he had to pay. His thoughts were tumbling around inside his brain. His head was aching. Feeling the full extent of his impotence and his despair, he sighed:

"And the deputy from Paris told me just the other day that I'm a sovereign citizen, that nothing can be done without me, and that I'm free to do as I please."

He went to ask the advice of his neighbor who was familiar with the law, being a municipal councilor.

"That's how it is, Pop," he said with an air of importance. "It's got to be done this way. And since you don't know how to write, I'd like to do you a small favor: I'm going to write up your petition."

The letter was sent off. Two months went by. The prefect didn't respond. Prefects never respond. They write poetry, they flirt with the wives of tax collectors, and they may even be off in Paris, where they'll spend their evenings at the Olympia with various ambassadors. Each week, the municipal surveyor stopped in front of Pop Rivoli's house.

"Well... got that permit?"

"Still nothing."

"You should send in a duplicate petition."

The duplicates piled up inside the tomb of the prefecture, along with the original petition on its stamped paper and a lot of undisturbed dust. Every day old man Rivoli spotted the mailman coming by on his route, but never stopping at his gate. The cracks in the wall grew wider and longer, the stones detached themselves and rolled onto the road-bank, the mortar crumbled, and the surface lifted off more and more, because there had been a heavy frost in the meantime. The wounds expanded and gnawed away at the poor, half-crumbled wall with their leprosy.

One night when a strong wind was blowing, it collapsed completely. Pop Rivoli noticed the disaster the next morning at dawn. In its fall, the wall had brought down with it the espalier trees from the yard which produced such beautiful fruit in the autumn. Now nothing protected the poor man's residence: the thieves and the vagabonds could come in at any time to catch the chickens and steal the eggs. And then the terrible municipal surveyor came back:

"Ah! Didn't I tell you this would happen? It's fallen down, for Christ's sake! Oh, well! I'm going to write you a summons." The old man wept:

"Is it my fault? Is it my fault? When you prevented me from fixing it?"

"Go on, go on. After all, it's no big deal. With the fifty ecus of the first fine, you'll only have to cover one hundred fifty ecus plus expenses. You can easily pay that."

But old man Rivoli could not pay that. His entire fortune was inside his yard, and in his two arms which eked a living out of his yard to their continual fatigue. The good-natured fellow became somber. He no longer went outside his house, where he remained seated all day long in front of his cold hearth with his head in his hands. The sheriff had come by twice. He had seized the house, and he had seized the yard. In eight days, everything would be sold at auction. Then one evening, Pop Rivoli left his chair by his cold hearth and went down to the cellar, silently, without a lamp. Groping around with his fingers, among the empty cider pipes, the tools, and the baskets, he found a thick rope which served to crimp the drinking casks. Then he went back up into his yard.

In the middle of the yard was a large walnut that spread its gnarled and sturdy branches above the grass, against a sky that had taken on a pearly sheen from the first rays of moonlight. He fastened the rope to one of the higher branches, after climbing into the tree using a ladder and going farther up from branch to branch. Then he tied the rope around his neck and let himself fall like a stone into the void. The rope made a squeak as it squeezed against the branch, and the branch made a small cracking sound.

The next day, the mailman brought the permit from the prefect. He saw the hanged man swinging at the end of the rope, inside the yard, among the branches of the tree, where two birds were singing at the top of their lungs.

-Octave Mirbeau, The Wall
Translated from the French by Robert Helms

a perfect circle

2006-09-03T09:57:00.000+08:00

2 recent realisations.

i've realised how much i look forward to saturdays. it's the most jam packed day, what with a 3k run followed by core stability and a 3 hour sail. the best part of it is dozing off from 9 onwards.

i've realised the extent of my social circle.

certainly i used to think i didn't know a lot of people well, and that i hardly had close friends. i guess this has changed in the past year or so, and yet again it seems it's only a small part of me that has matured.

while doing invitations and dealing with vj sailors for the party, i chalked up 14 conversations on msn. all of which were at least 2 full screen pages long.

crazy record.

i'm bemused.
or is it
be

sotted?

clueless and careless.

casually dressed & deep in conversation 2

2006-08-30T20:42:00.000+08:00

what they talk about in the bedroom when the children are fast asleep

a poem to be read in a whisper

"I don't think she fails on purpose."
"Nowadays my knees can tell me when it's going to rain."
"Do you think they're asleep yet? I can hear them giggling."
"You know our neighbours threw away their plants? Even that tall Japanese bamboo."
"What was that?"
"Would you like to go to KL this December? We could buy you some scarves."
"Just now your sister made comments about our kitchen."
"It's nothing, someone threw a bottle down the rubbish chute."
"Did you have to beat him so hard?"
"Do you think if we had a house like that we'd be happy?"
"Ever since I married you there's been nothing but money problems."
"Your aunt has lost so much weight, I wonder how she did it."
"I worked at the floors since morning, can you smell the Dettol?"
"Admit it, you love your son more than your daughter."
"Who were you talking to on the phone just now?"
"Don't talk facing that side. I can't hear you."
"Don't touch me like that."
"Can you hear me like this?"
"I need sleep. I can't sleep. I need my sleep."
"Goodnight. Goodnight."
"Wake up, wake up, I think I hear something."
"That was me."
"That wasn't you. What are you saying?"
"No, that was me, yes."

-Alfian Sa'at, No Other City

. . .

And you read your Emily Dickinson
And I my Robert Frost
And we note our place with bookmarkers
That measure what we've lost
Like a poem poorly written
We are verses out of rhythm
Couplets out of rhyme
In syncopated time

And the dangling conversation
And the superficial sighs
Are the borders of our lives

-Simon & Garfunkel